What Thirty Looks Like

So a couple of weeks ago I turned the big 3-0.

I have always been somone who has been hopeful and excited for her thirties. So why did I spend the first 15 minutes of my 30th birthday bawling like life as I knew it was over???

I have a couple of theories.

First off, my twenties were very, very good to me. I met and married Phillip. And had my three babies--which makes it more than easy to see why my twenties has been the happiest of my life (and that's coming from someone who has lived a very charmed life). So I think I found myself mourning the end of something I knew to be blissful instead of celebrating what I can only assume will be blissful.

My 20-year-old self dating that cute Phillip

Secondly, we're pretty sure we're done having kids. So when Phil showed me a picture of his co-worker's new baby, it was then my previously mentioned feelings collided with the fact I'll probably never bring another brand-new baby home and well, it was just more than I could take. I know this is something very specific to myself, as most women have children well into their thirties, but I can't shake the feeling that turning thirty marks the finality to a huge part of who I have been for the last decade.

And finally. It was past midnight. This wouldn't have happened if I had just gone to bed at a reasonable hour!

Unfortunately, these feelings followed me off and on throughout my day of grandeur. My mom called me and in the middle of her enthusiastic version of "You've had a Birthday, Shout Hooray!" (don't be jels--it's tradish), I started getting all emotional again. Thankfully, after talking it through with her, Phil, my sister, my visiting teachers and my dog (just kidding-- I don't own a dog.) I felt quite a bit better.  I mean, it's my birthday, I'll cry if I want to.

However, despite what I may feel in waves here and there, I remain quite hopeful and excited for my thirties. Above all, there are things I know no matter what. Most of which stem from my knowing I'm a child of a loving Heavenly Father. Because of that I know my worth. My worth as a His daughter and a woman. And I know my purpose and call as a mother. And it is because of that I am grateful for age--because it is now more than ever I know who I am.

What thirty looks like

For example:
-I still love turtlenecks. Always have, always will. (Did you see my picture?)
-I am content and fullfilled with being "just a mom". In fact, I couldn't imagine enjoying anything more.
-I'm adding to my fetish for handbags, scarves and baskets a fetish for oversized flannel pajamas. I just got these (in navy) for my birthday and I'm quite certain I need at least three more pair. And I think you do to for that matter. If I were Oprah, I'd give some to you.
-I spend an embarassing amount of time thinking about how I want to decorate my house.
-I cut my long hair a few months ago and although it's been fun... I kinda wish I hadn't.
-I love my home. When given the option, I usually choose or at least seriously consider staying-in. I mean--it does mean I get to wear my pj's.
-Driving will always scare me a little.
-I can run really, really fast--like record time fast--up my stairs and down the hallway whenever I hear one of my babies cry (especially if  I think my speed has anything to do with getting them to go back to sleep in a calm manner). Which is good. Since sometimes that's the only exercise I ever get.
-One of my most favorite things is when I make my husband laugh. Well, I like to make everyone laugh. But he's my favorite.
-I know I still have have so much learn... about myself...and pretty much everything else.
-This post ended up being really fun to write. Who knew talking about yourself could be so rewarding. My next post: Everything I Think I'm Good At.

Here's to thirty!  {Cheers! Cheers! Cheers. Cheers.}