Pray Always

"I pray because I can't help myself. I pray because I'm helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time, waking and sleeping. It doesn't change God, it changes me." --C. S. Lewis

Along with the thousand other things I'd like to do--sharing my testimony in bits and pieces here and there on this blog is one of them.

I decided to start with one of the first principles I came to truly understand very early on in my life. And that is prayer. 

I was taught to pray as a little girl. And now that I think about it--it's one of the best gifts my parents could've given me. They taught me to get on my knees to pray before I went to sleep every night. And so I did. You might say this was also the beginning of my testimony of obedience as well. 

Being so young, it began as something to check off my to-do list: brush teeth, go potty, get a drink of water, and say your prayers. But it wasn't until sometime in gradeschool I started to see the blessings that came from answered prayers and the undeniable benefits that came from consulting with my Father each night before I went to sleep.

I loved this quote so much I had to make it into a little print. Download quote here, if you'd like.

I remember praying for years that my dad wouldn't have to work on Sundays anymore. A great blessing that was eventually given to our family. I remember fervently praying I would do well in my geography bee in 5th grade--or later when I'd tryout for something in highschool or had some sort of performance. And oh how I'd pray to drive safely. Which sounds so cliche, but after being a small 9 year-old slightly traumatized after our family was in an awful car accident, it was anything but. And then, there were always those moments of spontaneous desparation, such as killing my truck, losing my wallet, forgetting about a test--I prayed then too. Point is: I prayed about everything from the big stuff to the small stuff. The answers that came weren't always what I wanted, but the answers that came never ceased to prove to me that I had someone greater than me advocating my cause and if it mattered to me then it mattered to Him. 

In the middle of all of this, I began developing an anxiety disorder around 10 years old. My parents and I didn't know what to do, and so I did what I always do--I prayed, we prayed. I'm pretty sure everyone in my family was praying for me. Heavenly Father didn't take it away (like I asked Him to hundreds of times), but He slowly provided me the understanding and mind exercises I needed for me to keep myself in control of my thoughts. I can't imagine where I'd be today had prayer not been a major part of my arsenal used to conquer this trial of mine. This was when I first found my Savior, and experienced the blessings of the Atonement. I discovered the scriptures--although I was too young to understand a lot of them, I knew they fortified me and increased my ability to feel the Spirit. 

Prayer made me love and trust my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and therefore made accepting the truthfulness of the Gospel one of the easiest things I've ever done.

And I pray still. However, it seems now my prayers are about much weightier matters. I hate to admit there are times I find the more I need to pray about the more daunting the task. And there are times I can't get on my knees fast enough. The word safety takes on about twenty different meaning as does the word pain. Thankfully, I always get to start out with gratitude. There are few things as therapeutic for me as telling my Father in Heaven everything I'm grateful for. It grants peace, perspective and ability to sort through the rest of my thoughts.

It's funny how writing this has made me realize how huge prayer has been to me in my life. I've always known of its importance to me, but writing about it has made me see how prayer has been the gateway to many, if not all, of the blessings I have today. Another thing I love about it--everyone can do it. No matter who, when, where or how. Everyone can pray.

One of my most favorite talks on the subject is by Elder David E Bednar in the 2008 General Conference titled: Pray Always. I remember exactly where I was the first time I heard this talk because it was such an "Ah-ha!" moment for me. If you're interested in learning more about the subject you can read it here.

Hope Defined

"...real hope is much more than wishful musing. It stiffens, not slackens, the spiritual spine. Hope is serene, not giddy, eager without being naive, and pleasantly steady without being smug. Hope is realistic anticipation which takes the form of a determination—not only to survive adversity but, moreover, to “endure … well” to the end (D&C 121:8)."

-Elder Neil A. Maxwell

For this infographic I thought triangles was a great way to illustrate how proximate hope vs ultimate hope. Proximate hope has a limit, therefore will come to a point. Ultimate hope on the other hand has the ability to grow and expand.

In my thoughts regarding hopeful things and becoming a more hopeful person, I have discovered not all hope is created equal. Although I feel it is rooted in the same innate desire--just like our desire to be happy--you eventually see a divide in the definition and are left with two "types" of hope. 

The more I study and think about this subject the more strongly I feel its power and how entangled it is with our individual happiness and fulfillment. However, in order for us to discuss how we do that, the two types of hope must be clearly defined. 

Proximate Hope

If you think about it, there is a difference between the hope you feel when you want a certain team to win a game versus the type of hope (or lack thereof) when you consider your purpose and place in life.

After reading Elder Neal A Maxwell's talk "Hope Through the Atonement of Jesus Christ", he defines the former as a "proximate" hope. 

"Our everyday usage of the word hope includes how we "hope" to arrive at a certain destination by a certain time. We "hope" the world economy will improve. We "hope" for the visit of a loved one. Such typify our sincere but proximate hopes."

Essentially, our proximate hopes are based on trivial things and temporal things. Now, the negative side of proximate hope doesn't lie within the fact that they're based on trivial and temporal things. Heaven knows the value I place in hoping to decorate my home or hoping to learn how to plant a garden this spring. In fact, I believe our ability to have these proximate hopes plays a huge part in our ability to find joy in this life. 

The negative aspect of proximate hope is that it has the ability to fail us. It's undependable and contains elements of uncertainty. You're favorite team will eventually lose. Friends and family will inevitably let you down, and frankly, I don't know what to tell ya about the economy, but I don't think it's lookin' good! 

I remember as a young girl, identifying with the character Anne Shirley from Anne of Green Gables. Being someone who had a tendency to get her hopes up way too easily (I think adulthood has managed to mellow me out a bit) I loved Anne's response to Marilla after she calls her out for constantly getting her hopes too high. Anne replied in dramatic fashion, "I know. I can't help flying up on the wings of anticipation. It's as glorious as soaring through a sunset...almost pays for the thud." 

And that's the thing about proximate hope, it's as glorious as it is easy--but there is always the inevitable thud. And unless that thud is backed by another type of hope, it's that failing that can get us into a lot of trouble. 

Aside from the natural and obvious increase in despair, a lack of hope can quickly breed into a selfish "yolo" (I believe thats what the youngsters are calling it these days) sort of lifestyle. About this matter Elder Maxwell said,

"Nevertheless, because proximate hopes are so vulnerable to irony and the unexpected, there is an increasing and profound sense of existential despair in the world.

"When hope is stripped away, Paul noted this tendency for some to eat and drink, reasoning that “for to morrow we die,” driven by the erroneous conclusion that “when a man [is] dead, that [is] the end thereof” (1 Cor. 15:32; Alma 30:18)."

"...Viewing life without the prospect of immortality can diminish not only hope but also the sense of personal accountability (see 1 Cor. 15:19; Alma 30:18)."

"No wonder the subsequent loss of hope almost inevitably sends selfishness surging as many, resignedly, turn to pleasing themselves. 

The last time I checked, despair and selfishness have never made anyone happy.

Which is why this soaring hope must be rooted. Rooted into something that will not fail us. 

Ultimate Hope 

This is where real hope or what Elder Maxwell refers to as "ultimate" hope comes into play. This type of hope provides the foundation we need to proximate hope because it's placed in someone who will not fail us. 

That someone is Jesus Christ. 

"Ultimate hope is a different matter. It is tied to Jesus and the blessing of the great Atonment, blessings resulting in the universal Resurrection and the precious opportunity provided thereby to us to practice emancipating repentance, making possible what the scriptures call "a perfect brightness of hope" (2Ne. 31:20)...Real hope, therefore, is not associated with things mercurial, but rather with things immortal and eternal!"

Simply put, Jesus Christ is the only being that has ever existed throughout the history of this world who will never let us down. 

Therefore, we don't want to ever let Him down. Hence, a sense of personal accountability is created. 

This increases our desire to be righteous, expands our faith and allows us to see good while enduring the bad, which in turn creates more hope. A cycle that starts from putting our hope in Jesus Christ ends with the creation of more hope.   

Perhaps I'm oversimplifying here. I remember sitting in my Physical Science class in college listening to my professor elaborate on Newton's Law of Gravity. Ok, so what goes up must come down. Pretty sure I got it. In fact--um...duh. I'm also pretty sure if I had been born in the middle of the seventeenth century, I'd like to think I could've come up with that observation and it would be Jasmine's Law of Gravity we'd be studying right now. 

Then my professor throws on the board something that looks like this: F=G(m1m2/r2)+*&{~!@#$}aasdfjlkj and somewhere between all the talk about bodies being directly proportional to masses, I realized maaaybe--just maybe--my Seventeenth Century self wouldn't have been that smart. 

Although, me telling you to "put your hope in Jesus Christ" sounds as simple as "what goes up must come down" in truth the matter at hand is far more phenomenal than that. Bestowing our ulimate hope into a Savior who, helps us become better people all for the sake of our personal happiness--is truly miraculous.

One must realize that lumping hope into one, general idea doesn't work. There are different types--and you must know which type you're aiming for in order to move forward with hope on your side.

Lowering Expectations

Everytime someone raves about how good a movie is, it seems whenever I get around to seeing it, it's never as good as I was expecting. And the opposite applies as well. If someone says a movie wasn't that great, when I finally see it, I usually think hey, that was better than I was expecting! I've even come to prefer the lower expectations. 

My sad dayplanner that was falling apart before Hazel had her way with it. Not my most favorite Papersource product :(

And lately lowering expectations kind of sounds nice. Sometimes having high expectations can be exhausting. For example the other day I woke up tired and just knew it was going to be one of those days. So immediately I lowered my expectations. And what do ya know? Instead of noticing everything I didn't do I ended up rather impressed with the stuff I did do. And if given the option to feel awesome or not feel awesome--I'm going to choose to feel awesome. 

Now, there are days that deserve my best efforts to be better and there are some days that I'm just plum lazy. I think one of the hardest things to do as a mother is striking the correct balance between trying to do better and not being too hard at ourselves. Along with trying get everything done with the right priorities...with no one tellling you whether or not you're doing it right. 

Okay--so it's a tricky job sometimes. 

Which is why I'm thinking there's no harm in lowering my expectations a little more...or staying in bed to play on your ipad (obviously).

And by golly, if a movie is really, really good, tell me it was only mediocre!

The Happy Stuff

 I took a little break to clean up the blog, host some visitors and nurse some sickies back to health (one of which was myself). We were having such a healthy January and February, but it seemed as though a couple of cold viruses wanted the last word before Spring gets here.

It has also been during these last couple of weeks my emotions have been on a bit of a roller coaster ride. Now, we're not talking "Colossus" size of roller coaster...more like "Puff the Little Fire Dragon" size of roller coaster. It was as though a mild case of the winter blues had been slowly building until it one day it hit me like a sack of bricks and I felt so agitated all the time. In the past I haven't found going off by myself isn't usually this monumentally beneficial thing for me--but this time it was! Thank goodness for a sweet, supportive husband, who let me have a few hours to myself over the last couple of Saturdays.

(Hazel Ane after her bath the other day.)

I wasn't a fan of how the whole thing snuck up on me. And so it was around this time, I was thinking more about what makes me happy. Which sounds simple enough, I mean there's the obvious things like my family, The Gospel... and shopping. But I was trying to be more specific. Like when I go to bed at the end of the day--what things have I done that day that make me feel fulfilled, productive and hopeful--because, by golly, staying in and watching my shows sometimes just doesn't cut it! 

So here are a few things I've noted:

-Going on walks. More specifically a walk to the park to let me kids play so we can all benefit from the sunshine and exercise.
-Reading. More specifically reading my scriptures, reading conference talks and good books that make me feel smarter.
-Doing small unexpected deeds of service. Something I need to be better at.
-Listening to talks from BYU Womens Conference while I'm getting ready.
-Vacuuming. I find it very relaxing and it requires me to clean my house. Although, I have to be careful with this one because Hazel has a tendency to get into some mischief while I'm vacuuming which isn't necessarily worth the trade for theraputic cleaning.
-Exercising. More specifically, exercising to be healthy. Exercising for any other reason actually has the opposite effect on me.
-Playing with my babies. I'm always feeling like if they're happy and entertained I should be cleaning the house or crossing things off my to-do list, but maybe all those Pinterest quotes have a point.
-Staying inside my budget. Painful, but true.
-Play dates! My favorites are the ones include the moms too.

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After writing this, I know it all seems so obvious, but I can't help but feel like there's something to be said for conscientiously and specifically noting what makes us happy and fulfilled, because I never seem to have a hard time accounting for what makes me sad. And I'd much rather focus on actions that keep those blues at bay. Hopefully, I can master these and keep adding to the list.

What specific things make you feel fulfilled and happy or things you do to keep your blues at bay?

It's a Hopeful Thing: The 12th Man

Sorry for the poor quality: it's the only proof we have of our grand effort to scrounge up everything "Seahawks" for the the big game.

I don't really get interested in sports. (I suppose the exception to this is when Ryder is playing, and then something rises within my chest that if I'm not exercising extreme amounts of self control has the ability to turn me into a rabid dog. But I'm sure that happens to every parent). I especially don't get into sports on a professional level. The last time I remember being entertained by a professional sports event was the 1998 NBA playoffs between the Utah Jazz and the Chicago Bulls. Classic, right? (However, it was more by default really, because my brother and dad had monopolized the TV and if I wanted to watch something, I only had one option. Plus, I liked basketball. And I don't like to brag, but I even played a little basketball in eight grade.) But I especially don't like football. (I mean, where is the dang ball!? By the time I figure out which beastly man has it, the play is already over...and it leaves me feeling somewhat disgruntled).

And who did I marry? Sports-loving-fanatical Phil.


So while we're in our usual routine of trading episodes like Downton Abbey here for a game there, I can't help but pick up a few tid bits from my very informed husband. In the specific case of the Seahawks, anyone living in our house knew the Seahawks had a great chance of making it into the Super Bowl this year. So a few weeks ago, when the Hawks played the Saints, I thought I'd really stretch myself and try to be a supportive wife and sit down and actually watch the game with him. It was an exciting game...what was this feeling? Fun? Excitment? Did I just scream at the television screen? Nobody couldn't have been more surprised by this reaction than myself.

An identity crisis ensued.

As much as I tried not to care. I did. I mean, I had watched an entire game! And I watched the next. And before I knew it I was a Richard Sherman fan. It was at this point, I knew there was no turning back. I even got appalled that our local grocery store didn't have Skittles as one of their snack items in their Super Bowl Party promo display. Do these fruitcakes not know anything?



Along with the fun I had these last few weeks being a Seahawks fan--being proud I have ties to such a great city and my wonderful friends who live there, it was good to be reminded of a couple of things. As much as I'm a fan of the "it's just a game" mantra, sports (and perhaps some other things I don't always understand) end up being more important because they bring hope. And yes, I'm fully aware that I rode the coat tails of my 12th man fan--but I am glad I did and was grateful for something exciting and fun to drown out the weary doldrums of winter.

Way to go, Seahawks!

What Thirty Looks Like

So a couple of weeks ago I turned the big 3-0.

I have always been somone who has been hopeful and excited for her thirties. So why did I spend the first 15 minutes of my 30th birthday bawling like life as I knew it was over???

I have a couple of theories.

First off, my twenties were very, very good to me. I met and married Phillip. And had my three babies--which makes it more than easy to see why my twenties has been the happiest of my life (and that's coming from someone who has lived a very charmed life). So I think I found myself mourning the end of something I knew to be blissful instead of celebrating what I can only assume will be blissful.

My 20-year-old self dating that cute Phillip

Secondly, we're pretty sure we're done having kids. So when Phil showed me a picture of his co-worker's new baby, it was then my previously mentioned feelings collided with the fact I'll probably never bring another brand-new baby home and well, it was just more than I could take. I know this is something very specific to myself, as most women have children well into their thirties, but I can't shake the feeling that turning thirty marks the finality to a huge part of who I have been for the last decade.

And finally. It was past midnight. This wouldn't have happened if I had just gone to bed at a reasonable hour!

Unfortunately, these feelings followed me off and on throughout my day of grandeur. My mom called me and in the middle of her enthusiastic version of "You've had a Birthday, Shout Hooray!" (don't be jels--it's tradish), I started getting all emotional again. Thankfully, after talking it through with her, Phil, my sister, my visiting teachers and my dog (just kidding-- I don't own a dog.) I felt quite a bit better.  I mean, it's my birthday, I'll cry if I want to.

However, despite what I may feel in waves here and there, I remain quite hopeful and excited for my thirties. Above all, there are things I know no matter what. Most of which stem from my knowing I'm a child of a loving Heavenly Father. Because of that I know my worth. My worth as a His daughter and a woman. And I know my purpose and call as a mother. And it is because of that I am grateful for age--because it is now more than ever I know who I am.

What thirty looks like

For example:
-I still love turtlenecks. Always have, always will. (Did you see my picture?)
-I am content and fullfilled with being "just a mom". In fact, I couldn't imagine enjoying anything more.
-I'm adding to my fetish for handbags, scarves and baskets a fetish for oversized flannel pajamas. I just got these (in navy) for my birthday and I'm quite certain I need at least three more pair. And I think you do to for that matter. If I were Oprah, I'd give some to you.
-I spend an embarassing amount of time thinking about how I want to decorate my house.
-I cut my long hair a few months ago and although it's been fun... I kinda wish I hadn't.
-I love my home. When given the option, I usually choose or at least seriously consider staying-in. I mean--it does mean I get to wear my pj's.
-Driving will always scare me a little.
-I can run really, really fast--like record time fast--up my stairs and down the hallway whenever I hear one of my babies cry (especially if  I think my speed has anything to do with getting them to go back to sleep in a calm manner). Which is good. Since sometimes that's the only exercise I ever get.
-One of my most favorite things is when I make my husband laugh. Well, I like to make everyone laugh. But he's my favorite.
-I know I still have have so much learn... about myself...and pretty much everything else.
-This post ended up being really fun to write. Who knew talking about yourself could be so rewarding. My next post: Everything I Think I'm Good At.

Here's to thirty!  {Cheers! Cheers! Cheers. Cheers.}

Dear Kids: Go to the Temple

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Dear Kids,

So things have been crazy lately. Our time here in Australia is coming to an end, so that means figuring out what our next step is going to be. Even though we're getting closer to finalizing our plan, the process from the beginning has been frustrating for me. I'm a planner and not knowing where we'll be living in the next two months makes me twitch. Sadly, that and the Australian winter now in full swing has prevented me from enjoying our time here and in turn, just makes me want to get it all figured out even more! Argh! It's a nasty cycle I unnecesarily bring upon myself.

We had talked about needing to go the temple. Especially since we probably would't have another opportunity to go to the temple here in Sydney. It's also been awhile since I've been able to go to an endowment session with Hazel nursing...but with our current state of limbo, I just figured we'll get around to it sometime and if we don't make it, no big deal. 

That was foolish.

Well, then, Nana had to have surgery this last Friday. She was scared and nervous and I felt helpless over here on the other side of the world. After talking to her about this on the phone one morning, I thought why not go to the temple this Saturday?! (Since we're a day ahead, it would be the same day of my mom's surgery). Hazel was finally at a point where I could leave her for a longer amount of time...the only thing stopping us was a babysitter, which was quickly taken care thanks to our wonderful friends. 

And so we went. 

I don't think I've had a temple visit affect me so profoundly up to this point in my life. I felt abundant amounts of peace in regard to our future and was able to feel comfort for and in behalf of my mom. Aside from our personal life, there are crazy things going on in today's world that always leaves me sad and uneasy. However, in the temple everything is right. It was as though I could only feel peace and hope (no feelings or worry or confusion allowed, thank you).  And it felt so good.  Almost like a relief.

There was a cute person there who took our photo in font of the temple, but in order to make more room on my camera I accidentally deleted it to make more room for images like this beaut. So sad, but it was a rainy day and it's all we got.

My sweet babes, it seems as some of the times I've been the most profoundly blessed by things of this gospel, such as temples or visiting teaching, were during times in my life where I didn't think I needed it. Don't miss out on blessings of living a righteous life sitting right there in front of you because you weren't willing to reach out your hand and grab it. The temple is one of those things that we always need. It is a huge blessing we have available to us that is free for the taking. So go. Go whenever you can.

Love you forever,

Mom

BOOK OF MORMON MUSICAL

I first saw this article:


A Latter-day Saint View of The Book of Mormon musical


 on Facebook posted by one of my friends and have later seen it make the rounds. I thought I'd do my part to spread these words from Michael Otterson (Head of Public Affairs, Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) in regard to the highly praised musical, "The Book of Mormon".


I'm sure I have shared with other members similar feelings of disappointment in regard to the popularity of a musical that I understand uses crude and blasphemous humor to make fun of the beliefs we hold dear.


Usually, these types of things make me madder than a wet hen, but for some reason I didn't feel the hurt and anger I usually do at such offenses. I've come to learn that feeling that way isn't worth it. There is a certain peace that comes when I see such darkness sweep society particularly when it is disguised as "entertainment"-- and that peace comes from what I know to be true. Good will always overcome the bad and light will always overcome darkness. Truth will always win out.


With that said, I am so grateful for this article. It makes me proud to be a Latter-day Saint. I love how Otterson focuses on true facts and statistics in regard to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saint's relationship to Africa (apparently the musical takes place in Uganda) as well as the missionaries who serve there.


He also addresses the reasons why there hasn't been a bigger outcry from members. His answer is simple: it's because we're Christian. He quotes from the 13th Articles of Faith (a.k.a. what we Mormons believe)


“We believe in being honest, true, chaste, benevolent, virtuous, and in doing good to all men…If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things.”


And well, the musical, "The Book of Mormon" just doesn't fall into the category of "things worth seeking after" for any reason.