Anybody Got an Aspirin?

*I started writing this post on Saturday, Aug 11th

 At first, I wasn't really sure whether or not I wanted to post about this on my blog, but the idea of putting my thoughts about all of this somewhere felt comforting, and so I changed my mind. Not to mention the plus side of trying to record the overload of information I received yesterday as well as the possibility of relating to anyone else with a similar situation/history.

I just realized as I was filling you in on the background, it seemed as though I was building it up to tell you I was dying or something. So I've decided to forego the suspense and start out with the punch line:

Yesterday, my neurologist told me I shouldn't have any more children.

Now, allow me to back track a bit.

In 2007, I found myself pregnant with my beautiful baby boy, Ryder. I dare say it was my smoothest and most uneventful of the three of my pregnancies. Ten days past his due date we arrived at the hospital to start an induction. Somwhere between hooking up my IV and administering the epidural, I experienced  a little aphasia episode (even though I'm not sure if that's the correct term for it). As the nurse was asking me a bunch of questions, my answers began to come out all jumbled.  Essentially, there was a disconnect between my thoughts and processing them into words. Kinda like the light is on and someone is home, they just can't come answer the door. Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately), the nurse didn't even go get a doctor. She attributed it to anxiety and moved on. That did always bother me a little bit.

Ryder

At the end of 2009 we were blessed with baby #2! This pregnancy was also pretty smooth. I did notice an increase of headaches that usually came with blurry circles and blind spots. Luckily, they started getting farther and fewer between as I approached my third trimester. Penelope Rae joined our little family safe and sound.

Penelope

And here we are in 2012 with our sweet Hazel Ane. This pregancy was different. And by different it was a lot harder than my previous two. I finally got to see what morning sickness was and those wonderful migraines came back. Again, however they started fading around the middle of my second trimester. Phew! Around week 35/36 I was disappointed to feel a migraine coming on. However, this one brought along another aphasia episode. This one wasn't nearly as dramatic since I was at home and no one was forcing me to speak. I just felt that confused feeling and felt like I should go sit down. I was helping the kids clean there room and so after I sat on their bed and rested for a minute I asked Ryder to get me something, I looked at him smiling at me like he was about to laugh because I think I had asked him to get me something pretty random. It would be like I didn't realize what I was saying was mixed up until after it came out of my mouth...or I had my son looking at me funny :)

Hazel

So for something like this to happen again almost 4 years later was worth mentioning. I told my parents and my wonderful dad did some research and found that in 2011 the same thing happened to a pretty little news reporter named Serene Branson while on the job. Where there's no telling when or why these things happen, it was pretty great to get something like this recorded, so people like me can use it as a reference and say, "See! That's what happened to me!" And if you too would like to see, here's the link. Even though it scared the socks right off Phil and I when it happened he had a good time trying to do impressions of me later...ya know...when enough time had passed and you could laugh about it:) After multiple tests, they later attributed Miss Branson's episode to a migraine. So I'm thinking, great--it's just a crazy migraine symptom!

Well, I also told my OB at my upcoming appointment giving him the big sell on my migraine theory, and since we all know migraines are just a common side effect to pregnancy, I expected him to tell me I was right and to not worry about it.

Instead, he referred me to a neurologist...preferably, before I had Hazel.

Dang it.

Who wants to go to a specialist for something you're sure isn't a big deal right when you're supposed to be having a baby? The earliest I could get in was about three weeks after Hazel was born, which turned out to be yesterday. I didn't want to go. I debated whether I should go multiple times and I almost completely forgot about it. But alas, I made it to the consultation. I told him what I told you and well, the whole thing gave me a headache (laughter). Really though. It gave me a really big headache.

Here is what I learned:

•  Really bad headaches associated with blind spots (auras) and disrupted speech are known as complex migraines (same thing that Serene Branson lady had).
• Best case scenario, this is what I have--and only seem to get when I'm pregnant.
• However, in order to safely diagnose a complex migraine, you have to rule out the possibility of it being anything else.
• This equals a hematology report (blood), heart echo, MRI and an examination of my carteroids. Which I'm sure all sound a bit more intimidating than it really is. I've been told they're all pretty noninvasive tests. 
•  I'm planning on all of them coming back negative. But I suppose if some of them don't, more testing will resume.
• Unfortunately, even with the best case scenario--complex migraines in someone my age puts me at a high risk for a stroke. The obvious solution is prevention. In order to prevent them, you need to find out what triggers them, which is different for everybody. In my case, since it's clear that they only happen when I'm pregnant, the obvious solution, so my neurologist tells me, is to not get pregnant anymore. Or as my neurologist sensatively put it, there's no point in having kids if you're not around to take care of them. 

Here is what I feel:

• Sad.
• I still feel like I'm still processing everything (with a Costco size jar of chocolate-covered raisins). A lot of times I'm not sure what to think about everything. I know I'm not that concerned with what else it possibly could be because even with the best case scenario, I got told the last thing I wanted to hear. And that's really all I can dwell on right now.
• It's hard to process right after having a baby. While we were pretty sure we still wanted at least one more, I certainly didn't feel like I was in a place to be making any such decisions, but having the ability to make those decisions taken away is so very disappointing to say the least. 
• I need to talk this all over with my OBGYN as well as consider getting a second opinion, but again, I think we'll revisit that option at a later time.
• I am beyond grateful to have the three beautiful babies I have now and I can't help but wonder if I looked into this right after having Ryder, that may not have been the case. So maybe I should be thanking that nurse that didn't seemed phased at all by my odd symptoms.
• Although it is a lot to process, I am so grateful I found out when Hazel was only 2 weeks old--just in case she is my last. As you can imagine it has greatly affected my current attitude toward this "challenging" newborn phase. 

 Now you can see why the whole thing gave me a headache:) 

Adjusting

Well, I'm on day 3 of 3 sans Phil. I've been telling people it's not so bad as long as I don't have to do anything or go anywhere. As long as I make sure to only fill my day with diapers, nursing, potty runs (which only happen while I'm nursing), naps, less than mediocre meals and picking up a toy here and there--I can do this thang!

I only get overwhelmed when I think of eventually having to run errands or doing anything fun and interesting with three kids. I'll just stay at home forever...it's such a nice safety net.

Ironically, not getting out of the house is one of the hardest things I find about those first few weeks with a newborn. And I'm that odd sort of duck where the longer I don't do something the more anxious and overwhelmed I get about doing it. So today was the day. I picked the easiest outing I could think of--taking the kids on a walk at a nearby park. We could make it home quickly if we had to and for a baby girl who despises her carseat, I thought a little stroll in said carseat would be a good way for her to get used to it.

How did it go? Well, besides getting ready and in the car actually taking two times longer than the time we were actually at the park, it was a minorly successful outing. Hazel only screamed a little bit. Penny only fell and scrapped her knee once and I think it's only like 99% humidity out there as opposed to 100%.

Alas...we needed to start somewhere. We'll try again soon, maybe tomorrow even (or maybe not). We'll perfect our getting ready routine in order to beat the heat and enjoy ourselves a little longer. That's my game plan, people :)

Hazel Ane

She's here! She's finally here! Yesterday, our Hazel Ane turned officially one week old and we're bursting at the seams with gratitude to have her with us.

She came to us weighing in at a healthy 9lbs 7oz! Our biggest baby thus far. However, any sort of complications that can come with bigger babies was quickly threw to the wayside. In short, she came out like a champ (with very little damage to her mommy) and has been eating great. 

Sigh, relief...

Joy, bliss...

Cutting the cord...

Here's our girl! She had the cutest dimple in the middle of her nose when she first came out.

Here we are getting acquainted...

The next morning, Ryder and Penny came to visit and they got Hazel a Hungry Caterpillar rattle. (She loved it:)

Here Hazel is meeting some more very important people, her brother and sister.

Ryder and Penny have been so sweet about their new little sister...

Something I've been very grateful for...

 I always seem to forget that complicated overwhelming/joyful feeling that comes with bringing home a new baby.  Not to mention our family now is SO HUGE. There's a whole five of us now! (Of course, I remember thinking the same thing after Pen was born too :) I'm still trying to wrap my head around being a mother of three...if any of you out there have any advice, let me know! Luckily, I have a few more days of Phil's blessed paternity leave before I have to start figuring it out:)

And as you can see we did end up naming her Hazel. Her middle name is also special. We decided on Ane (pronounced Anne) after her very faithful and brave ancestor, Ane Larsen Andersen. We thought it was quite fitting for having a due date on Pioneer Day.

Sweet Hazey, we are so glad you're here. You have already been such a blessing to this home. We love you a million times over!

Summer Time=Fun Time

I must say I have been enjoying this summer quite a bit. I've just loved the long days, cold treats, our pool pass and really, not doing a whole lot (oh, there we go--that's why it's been so fun :)

I'll have to write about the more layed back times in another post, but after we got back from Utah we did have a few outings that are totally worth mentioning.

In June, Phil's best friend, Derek's older brother, Adam got married (did ya follow that?). And guess where? NJ! His new bride is from here and they had their wedding a mere 20 minutes from where we live. It was so very nice to see a bunch of sweet, familiar faces over on this side of country....a very happy and convenient coincidence, indeed.

 Chillin' at Liberty Park while waiting for the ceremony to start

Here I am at...almost 35 weeks, I think 

 I love those rare moments when they can enterain themselves:)

All of us with Monica and Derek (Thanks Sylte's for this great shot!)

A couple of weekends later, Phil "asked" if he could take the kids to the Bronx Zoo for Amex's Corporate Day. (Probably, knowing I would be more of wet towel on an outing that required any sort of stamina, he happily volunteered to take them by himself.)  Ummm....yes...are you sure?: was my answer.  Seriously, though, that is no small task. I'm talkin' one hour train ride, plus a 20 minute subway ride each way. And that's if you don't run into closed subways that cause you to add on another crammed bus ride and a subway detour, which he did, of course (#iheartnyc). I love that man. And so do his kiddos. Luckily, I think they did have quite a bit o' fun.

Ryder and Pen in their 3D glasses for the Dora movie 

Ryder checkin' out an exhibit 

Pen on the carousel at the zoo

And last but not least, a hip and happenin' Fourth of July! It was a weird, but relaxing week since it fell on a Wednesday. We spent the morning at the pool and then went to a Soldiers Memorial Park for music and fireworks in the evening. We went with our friends, the Robinson's and later met up with a bunch of people in our ward. I was also delightfully surprised with the quality of the fireworks. It was a good show and fun was had by all.

 They were handing these glasses out at the pool

 Me at 38 weeks. And just in case you're wondering the next pregnant photo of myself (if there is any) better be of me in a hospital bed.

Kiana and Penelope

Elena, Mariah & Ryder  (Thanks Becky for the photo)

Utah Trip: Part II

So if I blog about "Part I" of a vacation, one would think in the very least there was a "Part II", right? And you would be right.

After spending about a week with my parents, Phil's family came up to meet us in Utah. We stayed in a condo up Ogden Canyon. The first day, we went to Lagoon. 

 These two are ready to ride some rides!

 As you can see, it wasn't only the kids who were excited to be there.

 As it turns out, getting a good photo of my kids on the merry-go-round is really tricky. This is the best one I could come up with.

 Grandma with her grandgirls

 Even though being pregnant and having a strong aversion to rides in general might prevent one from enjoying themselves at Lagoon, I wouldn't have traded watching these two riding rides for the world. So much funner than riding rides myself. I got ridiculously emotional each time my little babies got strapped into the seat of a mini-transportation vehicle that went around in circles. Phil is still in the dog house for taking Penny on Puff the Magic Dragon without telling me. 

 Aunt Carly also had a birthday while we were there.

 And we got to celebrate it at Great-grandma & Great-grandpa Shorten's house

 Some more family photos!

And of course, a cousin shot before church!

A rather successful vacation, I'd say. For me, it doesn't get more ideal then seeing all of our favorite people and having fun while doing so! It was a perfect start to our summer.

Utah Trip: Part I

We've now been home for about a week and a half from our Utah vacation and I feel like it's taken about that long to get readjusted back to real life. What can I say? I'm a slow mover these days.

It was so very nice to spend time with family and I can't deny that it did feel splendid to enjoy wide open spaces, driving that made sense, beautiful mountain scenery, nice, calm people and all my favorite options when it comes to shopping and dining.

 We stayed the first week with my parents where we got to see my brother and sister and their families. All of us drove to Downey to meet my brother and Co. at my grandparents' house. The cousin count is now 9 strong! Soon to be rounded out to a nice 10:)

 Haha....oh man...

 Cuties

 It's been awhile since we've got a picture of this!

Love them. 

We also got to have the our first ever cousin sleepover! A day I've been excited for since they were all newborns. Our picture taking was limited because they kept telling us to get out and close the door.

We then took a little drive to Autumn's neck of the woods to check out where they'll be building their new home and check out some other model homes while we were there. Afterwhich we went to her house for a little BBQ and play.

And of course, relaxed in my parent's beautiful home while enjoying my dad's delicious meals and nice long chats with my mom...ahhh, so rejuventating for me.

Any guesses as to why we took over a dozen photos of my parents' street sign (formerly my street sign)??? 

If your asnwer is that it's because it's what I really, really want to name our little baby girl, but my husband can't decide if that really what he wants to name our baby girl, than you answered correctly! 

Only time will tell!