What Thirty Looks Like

So a couple of weeks ago I turned the big 3-0.

I have always been somone who has been hopeful and excited for her thirties. So why did I spend the first 15 minutes of my 30th birthday bawling like life as I knew it was over???

I have a couple of theories.

First off, my twenties were very, very good to me. I met and married Phillip. And had my three babies--which makes it more than easy to see why my twenties has been the happiest of my life (and that's coming from someone who has lived a very charmed life). So I think I found myself mourning the end of something I knew to be blissful instead of celebrating what I can only assume will be blissful.

My 20-year-old self dating that cute Phillip

Secondly, we're pretty sure we're done having kids. So when Phil showed me a picture of his co-worker's new baby, it was then my previously mentioned feelings collided with the fact I'll probably never bring another brand-new baby home and well, it was just more than I could take. I know this is something very specific to myself, as most women have children well into their thirties, but I can't shake the feeling that turning thirty marks the finality to a huge part of who I have been for the last decade.

And finally. It was past midnight. This wouldn't have happened if I had just gone to bed at a reasonable hour!

Unfortunately, these feelings followed me off and on throughout my day of grandeur. My mom called me and in the middle of her enthusiastic version of "You've had a Birthday, Shout Hooray!" (don't be jels--it's tradish), I started getting all emotional again. Thankfully, after talking it through with her, Phil, my sister, my visiting teachers and my dog (just kidding-- I don't own a dog.) I felt quite a bit better.  I mean, it's my birthday, I'll cry if I want to.

However, despite what I may feel in waves here and there, I remain quite hopeful and excited for my thirties. Above all, there are things I know no matter what. Most of which stem from my knowing I'm a child of a loving Heavenly Father. Because of that I know my worth. My worth as a His daughter and a woman. And I know my purpose and call as a mother. And it is because of that I am grateful for age--because it is now more than ever I know who I am.

What thirty looks like

For example:
-I still love turtlenecks. Always have, always will. (Did you see my picture?)
-I am content and fullfilled with being "just a mom". In fact, I couldn't imagine enjoying anything more.
-I'm adding to my fetish for handbags, scarves and baskets a fetish for oversized flannel pajamas. I just got these (in navy) for my birthday and I'm quite certain I need at least three more pair. And I think you do to for that matter. If I were Oprah, I'd give some to you.
-I spend an embarassing amount of time thinking about how I want to decorate my house.
-I cut my long hair a few months ago and although it's been fun... I kinda wish I hadn't.
-I love my home. When given the option, I usually choose or at least seriously consider staying-in. I mean--it does mean I get to wear my pj's.
-Driving will always scare me a little.
-I can run really, really fast--like record time fast--up my stairs and down the hallway whenever I hear one of my babies cry (especially if  I think my speed has anything to do with getting them to go back to sleep in a calm manner). Which is good. Since sometimes that's the only exercise I ever get.
-One of my most favorite things is when I make my husband laugh. Well, I like to make everyone laugh. But he's my favorite.
-I know I still have have so much learn... about myself...and pretty much everything else.
-This post ended up being really fun to write. Who knew talking about yourself could be so rewarding. My next post: Everything I Think I'm Good At.

Here's to thirty!  {Cheers! Cheers! Cheers. Cheers.}


8 comments:

  1. Oh pretty girl! I have always thought I would be really excited to turn 30, but now I am not so sure!!! I think it was bcuz in my Development through the lifespan classed marked it as middle age and I really am not ready to be "middle aged"! We too are done having kidlets and sometimes that is hard, until someone else's baby cries! hahaha! Also, my weird facial hair, enlarged pores, slowing metabolism, and the occasional gray hairs don't seem to help me feel any better about it! That's just my pride speaking! I think I just might have to throw a huge Partay so I don't have a meltdown! Well you look fab and I wished we were closer to hangout, but I am glad your b-day ended up happy!!

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  2. Great post, Jasmine! I'm 2 years into my thirties and it's not too bad (even though I have trained all my kids to say that I am 29 and they still tell people that!). I miss my twenties body, but I am loving my thirties mind :) Happy Birthday!!

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  3. Anonymous11:39 AM

    Sweet Jazzy, you are such a darling, smart, wonderful woman, I know there are lots and lots of great adventures in store for you! For some reason your post made me teary, you've grown up so fast. Anyway, with my life's experiences, I now look at each birthday and each passing year as an accomplishment. :)
    Much Love, Aunt Lancy

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  4. oh my GOSH this made me miss you. Seriously! Like I'm having big time pangs right now. Reading it was like sitting next to you and chatting. Loved it!

    As your much older (leaving out the 'and wiser' part) friend, I will say the lead up to the big birthdays (and sometimes any birthday) is always the hardest. You worry and belabor and stress. You have all of these expectations of what your life was supposed to be like or whatever and then you get to that age and you think "ugh, I'm old." But what I'm really trying to say is the lead-up is what makes it hard and emotional for me. When I get to the age or just even to the next day, I'm fine. It's only a number. Yeah, the idea of getting older kind of stinks but we both know how blessed we are and how much we have to be thankful for. Love you so much! Oh and hair ALWAYS grows back...

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  5. Shauna! I refuse to believe I'm "middle-aged"! My parents are middle-aged! ;0

    I agree with you Kacey about mind and body and if I were you, I'd keep that 29 years thing going because you look it.

    I love you Aunt Lancy, and I will start to do that too.

    Jeanelle--now I have the missing pangs! Good advice all around, you sweet person you.

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  6. I cried at 30 too. You're in good company. I was fine at 40. We'll see next year how well I do the big 5-"O". You look wonderful because you are inside and out.

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  7. This is a test comment, but let me just take this opportunity to say I love you and I love this blog!

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    1. Testing! You are sweet.

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