What Thirty Looks Like

So a couple of weeks ago I turned the big 3-0.

I have always been somone who has been hopeful and excited for her thirties. So why did I spend the first 15 minutes of my 30th birthday bawling like life as I knew it was over???

I have a couple of theories.

First off, my twenties were very, very good to me. I met and married Phillip. And had my three babies--which makes it more than easy to see why my twenties has been the happiest of my life (and that's coming from someone who has lived a very charmed life). So I think I found myself mourning the end of something I knew to be blissful instead of celebrating what I can only assume will be blissful.

My 20-year-old self dating that cute Phillip

Secondly, we're pretty sure we're done having kids. So when Phil showed me a picture of his co-worker's new baby, it was then my previously mentioned feelings collided with the fact I'll probably never bring another brand-new baby home and well, it was just more than I could take. I know this is something very specific to myself, as most women have children well into their thirties, but I can't shake the feeling that turning thirty marks the finality to a huge part of who I have been for the last decade.

And finally. It was past midnight. This wouldn't have happened if I had just gone to bed at a reasonable hour!

Unfortunately, these feelings followed me off and on throughout my day of grandeur. My mom called me and in the middle of her enthusiastic version of "You've had a Birthday, Shout Hooray!" (don't be jels--it's tradish), I started getting all emotional again. Thankfully, after talking it through with her, Phil, my sister, my visiting teachers and my dog (just kidding-- I don't own a dog.) I felt quite a bit better.  I mean, it's my birthday, I'll cry if I want to.

However, despite what I may feel in waves here and there, I remain quite hopeful and excited for my thirties. Above all, there are things I know no matter what. Most of which stem from my knowing I'm a child of a loving Heavenly Father. Because of that I know my worth. My worth as a His daughter and a woman. And I know my purpose and call as a mother. And it is because of that I am grateful for age--because it is now more than ever I know who I am.

What thirty looks like

For example:
-I still love turtlenecks. Always have, always will. (Did you see my picture?)
-I am content and fullfilled with being "just a mom". In fact, I couldn't imagine enjoying anything more.
-I'm adding to my fetish for handbags, scarves and baskets a fetish for oversized flannel pajamas. I just got these (in navy) for my birthday and I'm quite certain I need at least three more pair. And I think you do to for that matter. If I were Oprah, I'd give some to you.
-I spend an embarassing amount of time thinking about how I want to decorate my house.
-I cut my long hair a few months ago and although it's been fun... I kinda wish I hadn't.
-I love my home. When given the option, I usually choose or at least seriously consider staying-in. I mean--it does mean I get to wear my pj's.
-Driving will always scare me a little.
-I can run really, really fast--like record time fast--up my stairs and down the hallway whenever I hear one of my babies cry (especially if  I think my speed has anything to do with getting them to go back to sleep in a calm manner). Which is good. Since sometimes that's the only exercise I ever get.
-One of my most favorite things is when I make my husband laugh. Well, I like to make everyone laugh. But he's my favorite.
-I know I still have have so much learn... about myself...and pretty much everything else.
-This post ended up being really fun to write. Who knew talking about yourself could be so rewarding. My next post: Everything I Think I'm Good At.

Here's to thirty!  {Cheers! Cheers! Cheers. Cheers.}

It's a Hopeful Thing: Melting

"At the end of the day all you need is hope and strength, hope that it will get better 

and strength to hold on until it does"
 --Uknown

In December it seemed like we were hit with snowstorm after snowstorm. That combined with the freezing winds and living on a the side of a mountain turned our sparkling white snow into ice. Suprisingly, however ever since the new year, we've happily seen quite a bit of the sun. So while I've been waiting around for the next snowstorm to hit, our huge ice chunks have been slowly disappearing bit by bit. Now, although I'm not against any more snow storms--(and looking at our forecast we'll probably be seeing some this weekend) its been very nice to catch a break see these ugly, hard patches start to melt away. I can't help but think the time and consistency it takes the sun to do this is symbolic of many things when it comes to hopeful patience.

And it seems the more patient you are with things that take time, the more impressive your result: in this case--perhaps a beautiful Spring!

Melt away ice! Melt away!

Hello, Twenty-Fourteen

(Because most of our New Year's Eve this year was spent in a car traveling from Seattle to home, I thought I'd do a little throw back to our New Year's view from a year ago. It's one worth repeating.)

I don't believe there has ever been a time in my life where I've been excited for January. I've always accepted it and I've always found different ways to embrace it or get through it, but I've never been excited for it...until now.

As I became self aware of this excitment I wondered what about this January was different from the rest. Simply put, its because (for this five seconds) we're settled. If you remember last year at this time, we had just arrived in Sydney. This last year has been anything but dull and even after we moved back to Utah, it seemed like I was smacked (in a very good way) in the face with Ryder starting school, unpacking and then getting ready for the holidays. You know on your DVR how you have the option to fast forward  either one arrow, two arrows or if you're feeling lucky three arrows fast! Well, life lately has been "three arrows fast" and although its had a lot of good times, I'm really hoping January will be my "play" button. I just feel like I haven't been in a place for a really long time where life has allowed me time to slow down long enough to evaluate and make some goals. You know you're in desperate need of goals when making them actually sounds like fun.  Or maybe everyone would agree the types of goals I'm thinking of are fun.

For example, I want to read more books. I'm a sucker for the easy fictional reads and I would like to expand my library a little more into biographies, memoires and some history. I'm currently reading Elizabeth Smart's "My Story" which has been very interesting so far.

I am also trying to find ways to make my scripture study...well, actual study--not so much a breezy reading :) I've always wanted to be that person who could quote scripture from memory. I've got a loooong way to go.

I want to blog more! I love the name of my blog and thought long and hard about it and I'd love to devote more time into discussing hopeful things ranging from the serious to the laughable and light-hearted.  Plus, I'm never going to get a better record keeping system than this so I might as well be consistent.

I would also really like to record my parents' personal histories. Aside from needing these two people's lives on paper, I know I would find the whole thing so interesting. They are going to love me bugging them about it :)

Sing and play my guitar more. It something that gets put on the back burner a lot, but it sure is fun when I find the time to do it. Plus, Phil got a banjo for Christmas (still needs to learn to play it) so we're hoping to come up with a couple of rockin' duets.

I am also looking forward to slowly decorating my home. After moving here (and pretty much everywhere else I've lived) I quickly threw some stuff on the wall to make it look presentable, but I'm so excited to be in a place long enough to slowly collect and make things for my house that I love.

See? Goal making isn't so bad when it's totally centered around stuff you like. And for me a very hopeful thing to do to fight off the dreariness of winter.

Happy New Year!