One of the Stupidest Things I've Ever Done

***Now before you read this--I'm not saying you shouldn't do fun things with your kids--I'm just saying, be careful with what fun things you choose to do with your kids.***

(These photos are from a couple of Sunday ago, where our afternoon activities were chosen a bit more wisely)

After a wonderful weekend that included a date with Phil and uplifting Stake Conference meetings, we found ourselves in our usual spot on Sunday afternoons: the couch.

We figured after our kids' twentieth plea to go play we thought we should make an effort to be decent parents and, I dunno, take them outside or something.

So we decided to go to the park. An easy fun-loving activity perfect for a late summer day. We even walked the block and a half to get there because we're just so spontaneous like that.

And apparently the spontaneity was catching because the park we were at has a lot of hills and Hazel and I found ourselves atop one of these said hills. Hazel began squeaking out some sounds of apphrehension about walking down the steep terrain so being the adventerous mother I am, instead of picking her up or taking her hand, I told her:

Lets roll down the hill! 
(stupid, stupid, stupid)

And then I proceeded to lay in the grass perpendicular to the slope to perform what in my head was going to be a very simple demonstration.

Now, it's important to note here, that even though it had probably been a decade (maybe even more) since I had done such a shenanigan--I don't know if it was that the hills I used to roll on just weren't that steep, I don't know--but I had this vision of me doing two or three rolls then, happily sitting up to show my baby girl how fun it was and then see if she wanted to try it. It was one of those rare moments in life, I threw caution to the wind and embraced that fun-loving, carefree mom who spends her days running in fields of wildflowers with her children.

So I went for it.

By the third roll, it was clear I wasn't going anywhere but down that hill. I tried to stop, to sit up (ya know so I could show Hazel how much fun I was having), but I'm pretty sure at this point I was measuring about 8 G's down what felt like to be a never-ending cliff. Everything inside me was churning. All of the parts outside me (that didn't used to be there a decade ago) were being whipped around me in an abusive manner.

And yet in the faint distance, I hear Hazel. Concerned. Schtop! Mommy! Schtop!

Oh, sweet girl...if only I could--if only. I. Could.

What was in reality only 5 seconds, felt like 5 minutes. Why am I not slowing down? I've got to be about two shakes away from hitting the church about a block down the road....

It was was about this time that I felt a noticable decrease in speed. Finally! And so I tried to sit up again.    My head was spinning so....hard, I felt like I was going to pass out. Wait. No, no--I wanted to pass out. If there was anyone out there who ever wanted to torture me, it would be to put me in a barrel and roll me around. I would tell you ANYTHING you wanted to know.

I did stop. And after laying there in spread-eagle position for who nows how long, I made it up onto all fours and hoarsly called out "Phil...? Phil...!" I hear a voice fighting the urge not to laugh reply, Are you okay?

No. No, I am not okay.

I later told him that was easily one of the top ten most stupidest things I've done (at least this year anyway). He told me that he was surprised I did it, but that I looked whimsical and in complete control while doing so.

So even though it almost killed me. At least I looked totes awesome while doing it. So, ya know, I've got that.

And then, a few minutes later we were rounding up the kiddos to walk back home, Phil sprained his ankle.

We totally just should've stayed on the couch.


  1. Absolutely hilarious! Thanks for making me laugh today... Zack tells me that if I would last for 24 hours straight I would have absent steel so if I could stay awake I would just read this over and over.

  2. This is hilarious!! Great writing in the retelling, too. Once I tried to show my boys how fun it was to jump from the basement stairs into pillows and blankets. I chose the third step, spread my wings, launched, and promptly banged my head so hard on the low ceiling that I saw stars and birdies.

  3. Not laughing at your expense but that truly did make me lol (an abbreviation I don't use :) glad you survived.