Trying

 Ryder and Penny trying to learn to ride their scooters :)

One of the hardest things I find about being a mom is never really feeling like a live up to the mom I hope or want to be. In my head I create a list of things I hope to get accomplished that day. Everything from chores and working out to one-on-one time and family prayer. And here's the truth: I honestly don't think I've ever had a day in my life as a mother where I've checked everything off that list. If we went and played at the park, that probably means the laundry is still sitting in the dryer. If I got my house clean and appointments made, then my kids have most likely been couped up in the house all day watching too much TV.

My brain is constantly trying to work through ways to make the cleaning more efficient, to find interesting ways to do the things I find boring all the while trying to teach my kids the things they need to know to be the people I hope they become one day. It's exhausting. And the sad thing is if you were to look at my house or my daily actions, you'd have no idea that I was trying so hard! {said with a whine}. 

I know I'm pregnant, which tends to slow me down quite a bit these days, plus today is one of those more frustrating days (I can't be sure, but there's a small possibility crazy hormones may or may not be involved) but that doesn't take away my want to be the mom I hope to be, which is perhaps why I'm finding this whole thing a bit more frustrating than usual. 

Luckily, I'm a huge believer in "I'll try again tomorrow". I don't ever get too bothered in getting caught up in the guilt of it all because tomorrow is a new day. A clean slate. A fresh start. Etch-a-Sketch. I'm pretty sure it's my belief in this philosophy of mine that keeps me sane. And even though I don't really see much progress day to day or even week to week, I do think I've seen enough improvement in the last four and a half years that makes me feel like I'm at least headed in the right direction. And that's all that matters, right? That we're trying. 

Which sometimes makes me think how very important "just trying" is. I am so grateful for a Heavenly Father who can see our desires. Even though he sees my messy house and my bad moods, He can also see what I reeally, truly want. I strongly believe even when our actions can't always measure up to the desires of our hearts, those desires certainly count for something. Actually, I think they count for a lot. And well, on a day like today...or rather, throughout the next few months, I find that rather comforting. 

For I, the Lord, will judge all men according to their works, according to the desire of their hearts.

Doctrine & Covenants 137:9