Ryder and Penny trying to learn to ride their scooters :)

One of the hardest things I find about being a mom is never really feeling like a live up to the mom I hope or want to be. In my head I create a list of things I hope to get accomplished that day. Everything from chores and working out to one-on-one time and family prayer. And here's the truth: I honestly don't think I've ever had a day in my life as a mother where I've checked everything off that list. If we went and played at the park, that probably means the laundry is still sitting in the dryer. If I got my house clean and appointments made, then my kids have most likely been couped up in the house all day watching too much TV.

My brain is constantly trying to work through ways to make the cleaning more efficient, to find interesting ways to do the things I find boring all the while trying to teach my kids the things they need to know to be the people I hope they become one day. It's exhausting. And the sad thing is if you were to look at my house or my daily actions, you'd have no idea that I was trying so hard! {said with a whine}

I know I'm pregnant, which tends to slow me down quite a bit these days, plus today is one of those more frustrating days (I can't be sure, but there's a small possibility crazy hormones may or may not be involved) but that doesn't take away my want to be the mom I hope to be, which is perhaps why I'm finding this whole thing a bit more frustrating than usual. 

Luckily, I'm a huge believer in "I'll try again tomorrow". I don't ever get too bothered in getting caught up in the guilt of it all because tomorrow is a new day. A clean slate. A fresh start. Etch-a-Sketch. I'm pretty sure it's my belief in this philosophy of mine that keeps me sane. And even though I don't really see much progress day to day or even week to week, I do think I've seen enough improvement in the last four and a half years that makes me feel like I'm at least headed in the right direction. And that's all that matters, right? That we're trying. 

Which sometimes makes me think how very important "just trying" is. I am so grateful for a Heavenly Father who can see our desires. Even though he sees my messy house and my bad moods, He can also see what I reeally, truly want. I strongly believe even when our actions can't always measure up to the desires of our hearts, those desires certainly count for something. Actually, I think they count for a lot. And well, on a day like today...or rather, throughout the next few months, I find that rather comforting. 

For I, the Lord, will judge all men according to their works, according to the desire of their hearts.
Doctrine & Covenants 137:9


  1. Amen! haha...I feel these same things and beleive all you have said. I just hope that Weston knows my efforts...because some doesn't look like much. ;)
    You are doing a great job! And...remember everything seems so much more overwhelming when you are pregnant. You are exhausted and have a bulge that makes most things 10x's harder. Hang in there.
    These are cute pictures.

  2. Another amen!! You expressed my own thoughts perfectly. I think knowing and being okay with the fact that everything on your list most likely won't get done is the key. Just being grateful that ANYTHING got accomplished is a good day in my mind :). And especially once your little baby comes, then just everyone being alive and fed at the end of the day should be sufficient :).

  3. So true Jasmine. Well said. :)

  4. My thoughts exactly!! Finding that perfect balance between work and play is always a challenge for me. Even more so while pregnant, but I, too, love that tomorrow is a new day.

  5. I call trying "doing my best". I ask myself if I'm doing my best, and if the answer is yes, well, it will just have to do. Because it doesn't get any better.

    Excellent thoughts.

    Miss you! P.S. those scooter things can be crazy.

  6. I interviewed someone in the U of U's Family and Preventative Medicine Department yesterday for a radio story, and she said too many women beat themselves up every day. She said, instead of having a "to do" list, we should make "ta da" lists at the end of the day. You'd be surprised at how much you do everyday.

    And she said children are circular and have short-attention spans. If they want to play swords but you have a list in your mind of "No, we have to do laundry then go to the store then we can play." She says that leads to tantrums. Stop and play swords, and in 3 minutes they are done with that. Then you can move on to the laundry.

    I type this all out realizing I ignored all her advice this morning!!!

  7. reading this made me wish I was sitting next to you and we were having a chat about all of these things. I love and miss you!

  8. you are so awesome. i just love your perspective. you keep it real. i want to be like you someday.

  9. Love this post, so perfectly put!